In some ways, our society seems very conventional. Rules, for the most part, are followed. Scratch below the surface, however, and you’ll quickly recognize that people are not quite the conformists they appear to be. For example, consider the widely accepted concept of monogamy. You know, love at first sight and soul mates and happily ever after.

Well… did you know that at least five percent of couples are non-monogamous? The number is assumed to be higher because not everyone talks about it. Either way, since open relationships are on the rise, it makes a whole lot of sense to learn how best to make them successful.

Define What You’re Doing

Technically, there’s a difference between polyamory and open relationships. “Open” usually means at least one partner is having sex with someone outside of the relationship. Polyamory is more about creating intimate bonds with multiple people.

It all falls under the umbrella of consensual non-monogamy. Of course, you and your primary partner are free to label your relationship style as you choose. What matters most is that you’ve talked it out, set ground rules and boundaries, and committed together to do whatever it takes to keep things healthy and honest.

3 Things to Avoid in an Open Relationship

1. Don’t Use It to “Fix” Your Relationship

If you’re having problems, opening things up will not solve those problems. Sure, you may be distracted for a while. But what you really need before trying non-monogamy is to address what’s going on with you and your current partner.

2. Don’t Keep Score

It’s not a contest or competition. When you choose that mindset, you’re setting yourselves up for a big crash. Just because your relationship is open, it doesn’t mean you must act on every impulse.

3. Forget Your Kids’ Needs

This is essential. Your children did not ask to be involved in non-monogamy. If you can’t prioritize their needs, then perhaps this isn’t the right time for such a major change.

3 Tips For a Successful Open Relationship

1. Frequent Communication

Do not even consider non-monogamy if you’re not ready for discussions — frequent and often intense conversations. Leave nothing to chance. Schedule regular meetings and never assume your partner is thinking what you’re thinking. Connect and communicate on a regular basis.

2. Radical Honesty

It’s not just the quantity of conversations that matters. Quality is key. A major component of this is the practice of radical honesty. This concept is based on the belief that lying is the main cause of suffering. Thus, no matter how uncomfortable it can feel, the goal is to speak your truth for the long-term good of your relationship. Share honestly what you notice and let that spark some profound, transformative discussions.

3. Sympathetic Joy

Mudita is a Buddhist practice and it’s a word from the Pali language. It has no English counterpart. Mudita means “sympathetic joy” and this is something to cultivate within an open relationship. Sympathetic joy involves being happy because another person is happy. So, when your partner meets someone with whom they connect for a rendezvous or a parallel connection, you experience joy for them.

Talk to a Counselor

Living within a culture that treats monogamy as a carved-in-stone norm can make this process rather tricky. Working with a therapist provides an opportunity for you to explore the complexities of navigating an open relationship in a safe and confidential space. Reach out today for a free 15-minute phone consultation.